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Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Written By Nathen Bridgwater on Saturday, July 13, 2013 | 4:26 PM

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him Biography

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If you've landed here in search of a sweet sonnet or other classically romantic line to share with a loved on this Valentine's Day, you might not have come to the right place. But if jokes about the notoriously divisive holiday by some of our favorite comedians is what you're looking for, then we've got you covered.
Check out what 15 different comedians have said in their acts about the day where every person -- not just those in relationships -- has the chance to be emotionally disappointed. If there's one thing about Valentine's Day that Stephen Colbert, Aisha Tyler, Mike Birbiglia and the rest of the comics can agree on, it's that there's always room to take it less seriously. Vote for your favorites!
Teens love to celebrate Valentine's Day. The heady mix of first love, freedom, and hormones, make an interesting combination for Valentine's Day. Enjoy this collection of cute Valentine's Day quotes and share it with the one you love. If you feel nervous about confessing your love, use these cute Valentine's Day quotes to woo your sweetheart.
Leo Tolstoy
All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.
Are we not like two volumes of one book?
Lao Tzu
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
John Bunyan
Better let my heart be without words, than my words without heart.
Grey Livingston
Candle light, moon light, star light The brightest glow is from love light.
Robert Browning
Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
Pixie Foudre
I love you like crazy, baby 'Cuz I'd go crazy without you.
Rabindranath Tagore
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.
Winnie the Pooh
If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart... I’ll always be with you.
Winnie the Pooh
If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.
La Rochefoucauld
If we judge of love by its usual effects, it resembles hatred more than friendship.
J. P. Richter
In women everything is heart, even the head.
Andre Gide
It is the special quality of love not to be able to remain stationary, to be obliged to increase under pain of diminishing.
E. E. Cummings
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
James A. Baldwin
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
Joyce Carol Oates
Love doesn't grow on trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make. And you must use your imagination too.
Robert Frost
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
French Proverb
Love is blind. That is why he always proceeds by touch.
Jerome K. Jerome
Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.
R. Buckminster Fuller
Love is metaphysical gravity.
John Keats
Love is my religion - I could die for it.
Sean Connery
Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.
David Viscott
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
Oscar Wilde
When you really want love you will find it waiting for you.
OMG Valentine's day is today? Dammit, I forgot to get a boyfriend again.  Ahhh this lovely holiday graces us yet again. As if tripping over the roses addressed to my roommate and the ones on my awful co-workers desk weren't enough to make me want to eat an absurd amount of chocolates (heavily discounted starting today)... I can now thank all of my friends on Facebook and Twitter for suddenly becoming crazy cheesy romantics on this very day. Normally I try to live in the moment but today I'm just looking forward tomorrow. Luckily, I have some amazing single girlfriends so we shall hit the town tonight and toast being sexy & single. ~Anonymous Anti-Valentine's Day post
If you're feeling a bit blah about Valentine's Day this year...you're not alone! The day is almost over and reality will soon be here but until then enjoy a laugh or two with our 25 favorite anti-Valentine's Day quotes...True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. -Erich Segal,
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question -Lily Tomlin
Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance. -Unknown
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. -Henry Youngman
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. -Mae West
Always marry the man of your age because if your beauty will fade so will his eye sight. -Unknown, funny love quote.
Don't fall for anyone, unless they are willing to catch you. -Unknown
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. -Albert Einstein
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it. -Woody Allen
I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them. -Mae West, funny love quotes.
The bravest thing that men do is love women -Mort Sahl
One should always be in love. That is the reason why one should never marry. -Oscar Wilde
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. -Woody Allen
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. -Melanie Clark
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. -Groucho Marx
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. -Josh Billings
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. - Woody Allen
One is very crazy when in love. -Sigmund Freud
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell -Joan Crawford
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. -Samuel Johnson
You call it madness, but I call it love. -Don Byas
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. -Unknown
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?" -Sigmund Freud
Never sign a Valentine with your own name. -Charles Dickens
Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to. -Alfred Montapert
Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life. -Unknown
I have great hopes that we shall greatly appreciate each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. -Lord Byron
It is impossible to love and be wise -Francis Bacon
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. -Cathy Carlyle
Love is being stupid together. -Paul Valery
Love is a grave mental disease -Plato
Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. -Christopher Marlowe
Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended. -Cher
Love is just like a card game; first kick out the jokers, then throw away hearts, keep the diamond and try to win the king. -Unknown
Love is a promise delivered already broken. -Steve Martin
Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw -Fran Lebowitz
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. -Albert Einstein
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. -Winston Churchill
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. -Brendan Francis
Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. -H. L. Mencken, funny love quotes.
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty. -Unknown
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one. -Mae West
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. -Melanie Griffith
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one -Glenn Beck
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. -Pearl Bailey
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. -Unknown
Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat. -Ben Hecht
Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman -Oscar Wilde
But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down -Woody Allen
Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. -Unknown, funny love quotes.
I am not one of those who do not believe in love at first sight, but I believe in taking a second look. -H. Vincent funny love quotes.
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -Agatha ChristieBreathes there a man with soul so dead, who never to his wife hath said, "Breakfast be damned, come back to bed."  Anonymous

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.  Anonymous

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.  Joan Crawford

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.  Judith Viorst

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the questions?  Lily Tomlin

Love is sharing your popcorn.  Charles Schultz

Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.  Helen Gurley Brown

When a couple of young people strongly devoted to each other commence to eat onions, it is safe to pronounce them engaged.  James Montgomery Bailey

There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach.  Barbara Hower

Gravitation can't be held responsible for people falling in love.  Albert Einstein

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
Tim Allen

Teenagers don't know what love is. They have mixed-up ideas. They go for a drive and the boy runs out of gas and they smooch a little and the girl says she loves him. That isn't love. Love is when you are married twenty-five years, smooching in your living room and he runs out of gas and she says she still loves him.  That's love.
Norm Crosby

My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine's Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside --- Made in Taiwan!   Leopold Fetchner

If you love 'em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love 'em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you're in love.   Miles Davis

When you're in love, it's the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.
Richard Lewis

By all means marry. If you get  a good wife, you'll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.  Socrates

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it.   Helen Rowland

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.  Phyllis Schlafly

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
Professor Irwin Corey

Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other's minimum daily requirements.
Kathy Mohnke

Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash.  Joyce Brothers

Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you'd be surprise at the large number that re-enlist.  James Garner

What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.  Cindy Garner

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window.  You may love it when  you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else.  Jean Kerr

Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don't; men hope women won't change, but they do.  Bettina Arndt

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
Cindy Garner

My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.   Jack Benny

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.  Anonymous

A kiss is a rosy dot over the "I" of loving.  Cerano de Bergerac

An arhaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.  Agatha Christie

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.  Bob Hope

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one.  Fran Lebowitz

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt.  Spanish Proverb

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth!  Chico Marx

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same .

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

Funny Love Quotes And Sayings For Him

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