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Funny Life Quotes, Funny Life Sayings, Funny Life Quotes and sayings: Read and share your favourite short funny life quotes about life funny life quotes and sayings collection and more.
The most important things in life are human relations.
* Life travels in between kiss and smooch
* Life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.
* Life is full of disappointments, and I’m full of life!
* Life is the name of ups and down so keep claiming the mountain.
* If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
* When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
* The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes.
* Life is too small so kiss slowly laughs insanely, Love truly, and forgives rapidly.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are really two ways of going about it - you can either sit moping about how unfair and unyielding life is and how the greater cause does not make sense to you or you can take everything in with a pinch of salt (along with some tequila and a lime wedge, if you will), have a few laughs and carry on, smiling at the weirdness of it all. It might not be sugary and rosy all the way, but it will definitely be an enjoyable ride if you know how to be a sport. Truth is always stranger than fiction and there can be no greater adventure than living it. Here are a few quick jibes at the roller coaster ride we call life from some of the funniest men of all time. Life wasn't always smooth for them, but they learnt to live with it and bring out the best of the rigmarole through these lines.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. - George Bernard Shaw
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. - Author unknown
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. - Author unknown
Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. - Lou Erickson
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. - Oscar Wilde
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. - Author unknown
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. - Author unknown
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. - Christopher Isherwood
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. - Author unknown
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, "So far so good!" - Author unknown
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. - Steven Wright
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. - Author unknown
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it. - Author unknown
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright
Born to be wild - live to outgrow it. - Lao Tzu
For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. - Clifton Fadiman
After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!" - William S. Burroughs
Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little. - Thomas Aloysius Dorgan
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? - Bob Monkhouse
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen
Life is just one damned thing after another. - Elbert Hubbard
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. - William Shakespeare
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about. - Sam Ewing
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. - Charles Schulz
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. - Jane Wagner
Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. - George Ade
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. - Author unknown
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter. - Author unknown
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. - P. D. East
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Mark Twain
I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter! - Author unknown
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. - Sherrilyn Kenyon in "Dance with the Devil"
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. - Helen Hayes
Crying doesn't help anything, try your luck with violent mood swings. - Author unknown
Smile, tomorrow will be worse. - Author unknown
When I'm right, no one remembers, when I'm wrong, no one forgets. - Author unknown
We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. - Bryan White
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. - George Bernard Shaw
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Author unknown
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. - Steven Wright
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. - Steven Wright“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up.”
Chuck Palahniuk quotes
“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death”
Albert Einstein quotes
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”
James Dean quotes
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
Charles R. Swindoll quotes
“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson quotes
“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith quotes
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Howard Thurman quotes
I Like this quote I dislike this quote“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
“Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.”
Oscar Wilde quotes
“If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.”
Win Borden quotes
“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.”
Tom Bodett quotes
I Like this quote I dislike this quote“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
“He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realise.”