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Famous Funny Quotes

Written By Nathen Bridgwater on Sunday, July 14, 2013 | 6:42 AM

Famous Funny Quotes Biography

A million thanks to Steve for sharing some of his fantastic collection with me!

History is a cyclic poem written by Time upon the memories of man.  ~Percy Bysshe Shelley

If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.  ~Pearl Buck

History is philosophy teaching by examples.  ~Thucydides, The History of the Peloponnesian War

People are trapped in history, and history is trapped in them.  ~James Baldwin, Notes of a Native Son

The great eventful Present hides the Past; but through the din
Of its loud life hints and echoes from the life behind steal in.
~John Greenleaf Whittier

Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunters.  ~African Proverb

The memories of men are too frail a thread to hang history from.  ~John Still, The Jungle Tide

All the ancient histories, as one of our wits say, are just fables that have been agreed upon.  ~Voltaire, Jeannot et Colin

Professor Johnston often said that if you didn't know history, you didn't know anything.  You were a leaf that didn't know it was part of a tree.  ~Michael Crichton, Timeline

We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.  ~Dick Gregory

History is herstory, too.  ~Author Unknown

A history in which every particular incident may be true may on the whole be false.  ~Thomas Babington Macaulay

History with its flickering lamp stumbles along the trail of the past, trying to reconstruct its scenes, to revive its echoes, and kindle with pale gleams the passion of former days.  ~Winston Churchill

History is a mighty dramos, enacted upon the theatre of times, with suns for lamps and eternity for a background.  ~Thomas Carlyle

History is a novel for which the people is the author.  ~Alfred de Vigny, Réflexions sur la Vérité dans l'Art

History is a kind of introduction to more interesting people than we can possibly meet in our restricted lives; let us not neglect the opportunity.  ~Dexter Perkins

History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind.  Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.  ~Joseph Heller, Good as Gold

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all:  the conscientious historian will correct these defects.  ~Herodotus, The History of Herodotus

History:  gossip well told.  ~Elbert Hubbard, The Roycroft Dictionary

History is a symphony of echoes heard and unheard.  It is a poem with events as verses.  ~Charles Angoff

If one could make alive again for other people some cobwebbed skein of old dead intrigues and breathe breath and character into dead names and stiff portraits.  That is history to me!  ~George Macaulay Trevelyan

The history of the world is the record of a man in quest of his daily bread and butter.  ~Hendrik Wilhelm van Loon, The Story of Mankind

Historians are gossips who tease the dead.  ~Voltaire, Scribbling Books

History is filled with the sound of silken slippers going downstairs and wooden shoes coming up.  ~Voltaire

We are the prisoners of history.  Or are we?  ~Robert Penn Warren, Segregation

History never looks like history when you are living through it.  ~John W. Gardner

Legend:  A lie that has attained the dignity of age.  ~H.L. Mencken

God cannot alter the past, though historians can.  ~Samuel Butler, "Prose Observations"

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
-- Charles Shulz

Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
-- Ambrose Bierce

I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don't talk politics.
-- Oscar Wilde

Plagiarists at least have the quality of preservation.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
-- Claudette Colbert

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-- Flip WilsonSolemn or sassy, women have always had something important to say.
If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to forment a rebellion and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.
Abigail Adams, U.S. First Lady, 1776

If women could go into your Congress, I think justice would soon be done to the Indians.
Sara Winnemucca, Piute tribe activist, 1883

I am prepared to sacrifice every so-called privilege I possess in order to have a few rights.
Inez Milholland, Suffragist 1909

Women more than men can strip war of its glamour and its out-of-date heroisms and patriotisms, and see it as a demon of destruction and hideous wrong.
Lillian Wald, reformer and peace activist, 1914

I was just born to swing, that's all.
Lil Hardin Armstrong, bandleader, 1930's

Modern dance isn't anything except one thing in my mind: the freedom of women in America.
Martha Graham, choreographer, 1946

Maybe we weren't at the Last Supper, but we're certainly going to be at the next one.
Bella Abzug, Congresswoman, 1977

I do not know the word 'quit.' Either I never did, or I have abolished it.
Susan Butcher, Iditarod winner, 1988

No matter how successful I become as a playwright, my mother would be thrilled to hear me tell her that I'd just lost twenty pounds, gotten married and become a lawyer.
Wendy Wasserstein, playwright

Never limit yourself because of others' limited imagination; never limit others because of your own limited imagination.
Mae Jemison, astronaut

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Timothy Leary

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Roseanne Barr

There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.
Mae West

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
Mother Theresa, social activist

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!
Maya Angelou, African American poet

In politics if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher, British politician

[at Wellesley College Commencement] Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the President's spouse. I wish him well!
Barbara Bush, First Lady

[speech at Yale University] Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
Gloria Steinem, feminist

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
Janis Joplin, American singer

We are coming down from our pedestal and up from the laundry room.
Bella Abzug, lawyer.

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

Famous Funny Quotes

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