Funny I Love You Quotes

Funny I Love You Quotes Biography

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Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?

I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

Please don’t make me kill you.

And your point is…?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun

(1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t!

(2) I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

(3) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

(4) You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

(5) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

(6) I’m not a complete idiot–some parts are missing.

(7) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

(8) NyQuil – The stuffy, sneezy, why-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

(9) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather . . . not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

(10) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

(11) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

(12) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

(13) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

(14) MOP AND GLOW – Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

(15) Frankly, Scallop, I Don’t Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)

(16) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up

(17) Procrastinate Now

(18) Rehab Is for Quitters

(19) My Dog Can Lick Anyone
Death scares the hell out of me. I don’t wanna die knowing that you’ll cry over me but if death means watching over you and being with you, I might as well take my life just for you.
Would you believe me if I tell you that I love you so much? Actually, I’d prefer it if you won’t. Why? So that I can spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I do.
We spend most of our time talking about nothing but I just want to let you know that all these nothings mean so much more to me than so many somethings.
Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence. ~David Byrne
Love is a game that two can play and both win. ~Eva Gabor
Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved. ~Christopher Paul Rubero
The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of. ~Blaise Pascal, Pensées, 1670
I'm so in love, every time I look at you my soul gets dizzy. ~Jaesse Tyler
We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love. ~Robert Fulghum, True Love
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. ~Kay Knudsen
You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry. ~Author Unknown
True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall - but you are there to catch them. ~Author Unknown
You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your heart as well. ~Author Unknown
Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart. ~Author Unknown
I climbed up the door and opened the stairs,
Said my pajamas and put on my prayers.